It happens.
People let us down at work. Deadlines are missed, emails go unanswered, commitments fall through. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? But here’s the truth: most of the time, it’s not intentional. It’s not malice. It’s just life. And when we take a step back, we can see that everyone is living in their own complex world, just like we are.
We’ve all been there
Waiting for a colleague to deliver something crucial, only to find out they forgot, got distracted, or misunderstood the importance. It’s tempting to jump to conclusions: “They don’t care,” or “They’re just not taking this seriously.” But is that really fair? How often have you been caught up in your own world, juggling a hundred things at once, and accidentally dropped the ball?
I remember one instance where I was disappointed about a missed deadline; I felt let down, unimportant and disrespected. I later found out that the colleague had been dealing with a family emergency. It wasn’t incompetence; it was life happening. That moment taught me a valuable lesson: assume good intentions, and don’t rush to judge.
Does evidence back this up?
Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that our tendency to attribute others’ actions to their personality (rather than their circumstances) is a cognitive bias called the fundamental attribution error. Essentially, we judge others more harshly than we judge ourselves in similar situations. Recognising this bias can help us respond with empathy instead of frustration.
How can we handle workplace disappointments with empathy and self-awareness?
Here are some thoughts to help navigate those moments when others fall short:
1. Halon’s Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Could Be Incompetence: Most people aren’t out to sabotage you. They’re just busy, distracted, or unaware of the impact of their actions. We could probably replace ‘incompetence’ with ‘circumstances’.
2. Remember Everyone’s Life Is Complex: The next time you’re frustrated, think about your own life. Everything you’re juggling, they’re juggling too. Sometimes, people are just doing the best they can with what they’ve got.
3. Practice Self-Awareness: It’s not just about noticing others’ behaviour but also understanding your own reactions. Ask yourself, “Am I responding fairly? Do I really know the whole story?”
4. Go Beyond the Surface: If you want to understand what’s really going on, you have to dig deeper. Take the time to ask questions and explore the root of the issue. You might be surprised by what you find.
5. Be Kind, Even When It’s Hard: Disappointment is tough, but kindness is what keeps relationships strong. A kind word or a moment of understanding can turn a misstep into a chance to build trust.
Let’s Talk
Life isn’t perfect, and neither are people. We all mess up. What matters is how we respond—whether we choose frustration or understanding, judgment or kindness. So the next time someone at work disappoints you, pause. Reflect. And remember that we’re all just trying to get by, one day at a time.
What helps you handle disappointment with empathy? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let’s connect and share ideas on how we can all be a little more understanding at work.
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